Tues, 6 Dec 2005
My Dear Friends,
Not quite sure how to begin this, as so many things are going through my head. I don't really feel like being light-hearted or funny today.
Spoke to my oncologist. We'll start chemo on Monday. Three drugs: Carboplatin, Taxotere, and Herceptin. The last one is what I've been taking once a week since June. It's specific to my type of cancer but apparently has not been working (i.e.: it needs help from other chemicals). I will be on a four-week schedule. The second and third weeks, I'll take just the Taxotere and Herceptin. The fourth will be my "week off" in which I will just take Herceptin. I will follow this schedule for four months, then I will have another bone scan or a PET Scan. If these chemicals don't work, she will try something different.
The course of action now is to find something that works and stay with it until it doesn't work anymore. Then we try something else until I have exhausted all my options.
The oncologist pointed out that I have an aggressive cancer because it has the Her-2 protein (which Herceptin is supposed to work on) and also because it came back so soon (18 months after initial diagnosis).
She would not tell me how long I have to live, but did say it's a positive point that (for now) it's only in my bones. She said the Man Upstairs is calling the shots.
She said I do need to go to radiation. It is the "standard of care". The surgeon had said no, the radiation guy said yes. She looked it up in this huge oncology reference book. It said that radiation should happen after surgery to kill any residual cancer cells that might grow and press on the prosthesis or infect the healthy bone in the area. So tomorrow I will call Beaumont to schedule my radiation simulation (set-up) and get moving with radiation as soon as possible. The oncologist said that , as a matter of pride, sometimes surgeons do not like to admit they might have missed a few stray cells.
I was upset by the news I will need radiation only because if I had started it after surgery like the radiation oncologist recommended, I would be done. Now I will have to be in chemo and raditation at the same time! I suppose there is nothing I can do.
I have not been able to squeeze my pathology report out of Beaumont yet. The Beaumont oncologist (second opinion guy's) office would not give it to me because the surgeon had ordered it. Her office has not been helpful in obtaining it and was closed today.
I am bummed about going into treatment because other than being tired (lack of sleep due to pain in the low back) other than that, I feel fine. I am angry that I have basically "signed up to get the flu" as Mark describes chemo. I am angry that I will lose my hair. Last time I was in chemo, I felt OK after the first four days. Every time I looked in the mirror, though, my appearance reminded me of my situation.
I have asked myself a million times how this could have happened to me, as I have never smoked, drank or took drugs. When everyone else around me was drinking and partying, I was the designated driver. I ask what I did? What was I exposed to that could cause a cancer this aggressive to hit me so young? So glad all that clean living has paid off. I wonder if fate would have smiled on me if I had done something important with my life, like becoming a doctor or nurse.
I will understand if I have bummed you out so bad you don't want to read this anymore. I had written amusing things before as a coping mechanism. Cancer is not funny. It's horrible and it's terrifying.
I'm sorry, I can't write anymore tonight. Please pray for me.
Love,
Jeanette
Not quite sure how to begin this, as so many things are going through my head. I don't really feel like being light-hearted or funny today.
Spoke to my oncologist. We'll start chemo on Monday. Three drugs: Carboplatin, Taxotere, and Herceptin. The last one is what I've been taking once a week since June. It's specific to my type of cancer but apparently has not been working (i.e.: it needs help from other chemicals). I will be on a four-week schedule. The second and third weeks, I'll take just the Taxotere and Herceptin. The fourth will be my "week off" in which I will just take Herceptin. I will follow this schedule for four months, then I will have another bone scan or a PET Scan. If these chemicals don't work, she will try something different.
The course of action now is to find something that works and stay with it until it doesn't work anymore. Then we try something else until I have exhausted all my options.
The oncologist pointed out that I have an aggressive cancer because it has the Her-2 protein (which Herceptin is supposed to work on) and also because it came back so soon (18 months after initial diagnosis).
She would not tell me how long I have to live, but did say it's a positive point that (for now) it's only in my bones. She said the Man Upstairs is calling the shots.
She said I do need to go to radiation. It is the "standard of care". The surgeon had said no, the radiation guy said yes. She looked it up in this huge oncology reference book. It said that radiation should happen after surgery to kill any residual cancer cells that might grow and press on the prosthesis or infect the healthy bone in the area. So tomorrow I will call Beaumont to schedule my radiation simulation (set-up) and get moving with radiation as soon as possible. The oncologist said that , as a matter of pride, sometimes surgeons do not like to admit they might have missed a few stray cells.
I was upset by the news I will need radiation only because if I had started it after surgery like the radiation oncologist recommended, I would be done. Now I will have to be in chemo and raditation at the same time! I suppose there is nothing I can do.
I have not been able to squeeze my pathology report out of Beaumont yet. The Beaumont oncologist (second opinion guy's) office would not give it to me because the surgeon had ordered it. Her office has not been helpful in obtaining it and was closed today.
I am bummed about going into treatment because other than being tired (lack of sleep due to pain in the low back) other than that, I feel fine. I am angry that I have basically "signed up to get the flu" as Mark describes chemo. I am angry that I will lose my hair. Last time I was in chemo, I felt OK after the first four days. Every time I looked in the mirror, though, my appearance reminded me of my situation.
I have asked myself a million times how this could have happened to me, as I have never smoked, drank or took drugs. When everyone else around me was drinking and partying, I was the designated driver. I ask what I did? What was I exposed to that could cause a cancer this aggressive to hit me so young? So glad all that clean living has paid off. I wonder if fate would have smiled on me if I had done something important with my life, like becoming a doctor or nurse.
I will understand if I have bummed you out so bad you don't want to read this anymore. I had written amusing things before as a coping mechanism. Cancer is not funny. It's horrible and it's terrifying.
I'm sorry, I can't write anymore tonight. Please pray for me.
Love,
Jeanette
posted by Mark Kappe @ 7:03 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:41 PM,
Marcy said…
I was in Borders Books last night and found myself talking to a wonderful young woman in the inspirational section. Soon I was talking about you and the next thing I knew, the two of us stood in the middle of the inspirational section, in the middle of Borders, praying for Jeanette and her family. We don't know his plan, but God does hear our prayers. Please stay strong.
Marcy
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