Thurs, 6 April 2006
My Dear Friends,
Sorry, but it has not been a good week.
Tuesday seemed filled with death, as I started the day by dreaming Mark had a horrible accident, being crushed between two semis. He was left for dead but was still alive. I dreamed I tried several times to call 911 but could not get through. This inability to reach help is a recurring dream for me.
On the way home from the chiropractor in the early evening, I saw the aftermath of a horrific car accident. One car was crushed like an accordian, an SUV was totally flipped over. Lots of sirens, a fire truck, police and two ambulances. Later, Mark asked if one car was green and I'd said no. His buddy had planned to take that same road. Turns out the guy was only 5 cars behind and saw the accident happen! Bad news when an SUV suddenly goes vertical. Someone had run a red light and several lives were changed forever.
That night, my oldest son observed that one hamster was lying in the exact same spot as the night before. I touched it and it was stiff. Speedy the hamster was no more. We buried her in the backyard.
On Wednesday, I went home from work early. Still had that sore throat, was very tired and was in pain. Visited the chiro again. She confirmed my back was out but I felt it was more than that. Everything hurt and I did not sleep well. I was depressed because I am trying so hard to be a part of the real world, the working world, and maybe it was not meant to be. I just couldn't stay at work, had to lie down.
Looks like this pain is a side effect of the chemo, as listed in the brochure ("muscle and joint pain"). Feels like being stabbed in different places, from my teeth to my knees and everything in between. Didn't sleep well last night either. Even the hip area hurt. It was pretty nasty, so was the back pain. Ibuprofen did not help. Tried that.
Forgot to mention that LH the nurse called yesterday.
"Do you have some good news for me?" I asked. I had told them to call even if my blood counts were good.
"Not really," she said, explaining that the lab never picked up my blood test so it had spoiled. I could either take another one or just go ahead and inject myself three times this week to be safe.
I was so defeated at that point I decided not to get another test. (It would be a two-day delay.) Injected myself last night. Will do it again tomorrow and Sunday.
I accidentally missed my P.T. appointment this morning. Thought it was at 8:30am but I was an hour late! Talked to J the physical therapist, he was understanding. Told him he would not have been able to do much with me anyway.
The pain continued today. Now I feel like a cancer patient. I have been lucky so far as I have tolerated everything they've thrown at me. Hope this is not the beginning of the end. The brochure says the pain should subside in a few days. Personally, I'd rather be nauseous.
At least my sore throat feels better.
The bright spot in my day was having lunch with my friends from my previous firm. The whole gang came out and we met halfway between, as I am working in a different city now. It was nice to see everyone and for that hour I felt no pain. Guess that confirms the Lamaze theory of distraction.
If you pray for me, please pray for rest. Not the permanent kind. :)
Love,
Jeanette
Sorry, but it has not been a good week.
Tuesday seemed filled with death, as I started the day by dreaming Mark had a horrible accident, being crushed between two semis. He was left for dead but was still alive. I dreamed I tried several times to call 911 but could not get through. This inability to reach help is a recurring dream for me.
On the way home from the chiropractor in the early evening, I saw the aftermath of a horrific car accident. One car was crushed like an accordian, an SUV was totally flipped over. Lots of sirens, a fire truck, police and two ambulances. Later, Mark asked if one car was green and I'd said no. His buddy had planned to take that same road. Turns out the guy was only 5 cars behind and saw the accident happen! Bad news when an SUV suddenly goes vertical. Someone had run a red light and several lives were changed forever.
That night, my oldest son observed that one hamster was lying in the exact same spot as the night before. I touched it and it was stiff. Speedy the hamster was no more. We buried her in the backyard.
On Wednesday, I went home from work early. Still had that sore throat, was very tired and was in pain. Visited the chiro again. She confirmed my back was out but I felt it was more than that. Everything hurt and I did not sleep well. I was depressed because I am trying so hard to be a part of the real world, the working world, and maybe it was not meant to be. I just couldn't stay at work, had to lie down.
Looks like this pain is a side effect of the chemo, as listed in the brochure ("muscle and joint pain"). Feels like being stabbed in different places, from my teeth to my knees and everything in between. Didn't sleep well last night either. Even the hip area hurt. It was pretty nasty, so was the back pain. Ibuprofen did not help. Tried that.
Forgot to mention that LH the nurse called yesterday.
"Do you have some good news for me?" I asked. I had told them to call even if my blood counts were good.
"Not really," she said, explaining that the lab never picked up my blood test so it had spoiled. I could either take another one or just go ahead and inject myself three times this week to be safe.
I was so defeated at that point I decided not to get another test. (It would be a two-day delay.) Injected myself last night. Will do it again tomorrow and Sunday.
I accidentally missed my P.T. appointment this morning. Thought it was at 8:30am but I was an hour late! Talked to J the physical therapist, he was understanding. Told him he would not have been able to do much with me anyway.
The pain continued today. Now I feel like a cancer patient. I have been lucky so far as I have tolerated everything they've thrown at me. Hope this is not the beginning of the end. The brochure says the pain should subside in a few days. Personally, I'd rather be nauseous.
At least my sore throat feels better.
The bright spot in my day was having lunch with my friends from my previous firm. The whole gang came out and we met halfway between, as I am working in a different city now. It was nice to see everyone and for that hour I felt no pain. Guess that confirms the Lamaze theory of distraction.
If you pray for me, please pray for rest. Not the permanent kind. :)
Love,
Jeanette
posted by Mark Kappe @ 7:15 PM
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