Thursday, 11 Sept 2008

My Dear Friends,

Today I am really scared. Will probably get the test results by tomorrow. They only scanned me once. Usually, they'll take a couple more pictures of certain areas like the chest or lower back to get a better idea of what's going on. This time they did not. I assume it was like,"Whoa! Guess we don't need more shots of her!"

Been reading the side effects of Xeloda, my next probable drug. They will probably couple it with Tykerb.

I am so scared. Everyone tells me how brave I am. In truth, I'm a coward. I just want to live. I'm afraid of the pain of dying.

I have pain in my left lower back today. Already put the ice pack on it and took some ibuprofen. Not sure if it's tension or cancer. Maybe both? Still some pain in my ribs on the right lower.

Not sure how much longer I can do this emotionally. I hate when I cry in front of the kids. I should be strong for them.

Looked at my horoscope today, although I don't believe in that stuff. Grasping at straws now. It said to focus on quality of life, be wary and cautious! Nice. That didn't make me fel any better!

Please pray for me.

Love,
Jeanette