Fri, 14 July 2006
My Dear Friends,
Just wanted to pop in to say I feel well and everything is fine. Nothing new on the health front. I've been tired this week but I've been staying up late. Life is short, I don't want to sleep.
In my mind, I've been milling over some things about the emotional side of cancer, like how strange it is to sit every Monday hooked up to an IV bag then go back to my everyday life like nothing happened. Another thing is that I attended the local art festival this past weekend. There were women with spaghetti-strapped tank tops everywhere I turned. I was never so brazen as to let half my assets hang out like that. It was hard to be reminded of what I've lost. A certain softness is gone from me, it seems both emotional and physical, and I don't like it.
Looking in the mirror is really hard. As a teenager, I felt ugly when I really wasn't. I was beautiful in my twenties and now I've come full circle. Sometimes I look at myself and say,"Jeanette, what the HECK happened to you?!" What a mess! No hair, few eyelashes. Can't wear makeup because all the particles go straight into my eyes. The real problem is that inside, we are all still twenty-five. It's hard to watch the outside deteriorate.
I suppose I should be happy to be alive but maybe I'm going through an angry phase right now. I'll probably get over it.
Love,
Jeanette
Just wanted to pop in to say I feel well and everything is fine. Nothing new on the health front. I've been tired this week but I've been staying up late. Life is short, I don't want to sleep.
In my mind, I've been milling over some things about the emotional side of cancer, like how strange it is to sit every Monday hooked up to an IV bag then go back to my everyday life like nothing happened. Another thing is that I attended the local art festival this past weekend. There were women with spaghetti-strapped tank tops everywhere I turned. I was never so brazen as to let half my assets hang out like that. It was hard to be reminded of what I've lost. A certain softness is gone from me, it seems both emotional and physical, and I don't like it.
Looking in the mirror is really hard. As a teenager, I felt ugly when I really wasn't. I was beautiful in my twenties and now I've come full circle. Sometimes I look at myself and say,"Jeanette, what the HECK happened to you?!" What a mess! No hair, few eyelashes. Can't wear makeup because all the particles go straight into my eyes. The real problem is that inside, we are all still twenty-five. It's hard to watch the outside deteriorate.
I suppose I should be happy to be alive but maybe I'm going through an angry phase right now. I'll probably get over it.
Love,
Jeanette
posted by Mark Kappe @ 2:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home