My Dear Friends,
How time flies! The bone scan is upon me!
It's getting really hard not to freak out. I had all these things I wanted to
accomplish before this scan but I haven't done any of them... like my will.
I wish this whole cancer thing would just go away. It's so annoying to have to worry about this stuff. I've got things to do! :)
I sure hope this goes well.
At least I have the day off on Friday, with pay. That was the
firm's thank you to everyone for working hard during tax season. They gave everybody Friday off, even us part-timers! I felt uncomfortable celebrating the end of tax season at the very classy luncheon on Tuesday and again at dinner (with friends at my last firm). I had worked a couple Saturdays but I didn't do nearly the same number of returns as last year. This year I did only 19 individual returns and 19 trusts. Can't find my stats from last year but the year before I did 170 individual returns and, what, 15 trusts or so. This season, I had stuff to do most days but never felt the pressure like previous years. There were even a couple days when I had to seek work out. I felt like a ghost, drifting in the halls, passing by the offices of people with real jobs.
Not that I wanted to be all stressed out but I don't feel any sense of accomplishment. I feel like I didn't deserve to celebrate. I feel like tax season never started. Oh well. This probably sounds pretty stupid.
As for the future, I've gone from part-time to "on call". We'll see how that works out. My employer and I have agreed I can take part-time work elsewhere as long as I communicate it to them. (Shakes head.)
Started reading again after a brief hiatus. Finished "An Invitation to Provence" by Elizabeth Adler. It was about a lonely old lady living in a French chateau who invites her old friends and distant relatives to stay with her for a couple weeks, complete with romance and intrigue. It caught my eye in the library only because I had stayed in that region of Southern France when I studied there in college. Though it's not what I usually read, I enjoyed the book.
Reading "The Traveller's Gift" by Andy Andrews now. Supposed to be a NY Times best seller, though I don't see why. It's really a motivational book in disguise. It had a good premise...everything is going wrong in this guy's life, he gets into a car accident and is transported back through history to meet and get letters of advice from 7 historical figures. The writing is pretty choppy, it just doesn't seem professional. I've been telling Mark about the book. There are gross "continuity issues" as he calls them...like when King Solomon gives the guy a scroll of advice telling him to "seek wisdom" by listening to books on tape! :) Then the guy puts the scroll into a tobacco pouch he's using to collect the letters. Mark's like, "Isn't a scroll supposed to be HUGE?" I'm muddling through the book only because I might as well finish it but feel like a motivational change-your-life book is a moot point for me at this stage.
Also finished "Talking to Heaven" by psychic James Van
Praagh. Still searching for answers. This book seems to indicate I have cancer because I'm working off some major bad karma from previous lives. Either that or I'm affording others the opportunity to be generous and advance their own spiritual growth. (And I couldn't do that and be healthy at the same time BECAUSE...?) Gimme a break. While it was uplifting to hear stories of people contacting their dead loved ones to find peace, the premises in this book seem to parallel Sylvia Browne's. (She's the psychic with the
dragonlady fingernails and droopy eyelids that's always on the
Montel Williams Show.) I'd never heard of Mr. Van
Praagh before seeing this book. I suppose it's easy for both of them to say God has a plan for everyone when they're best-selling authors and no doubt multi-millionaires. Who knows? Some of the stuff he says could be true but the suggestion that you can have seances to develop your own psychic skills sounds dangerous. Your loved ones ain't the only things floating around out there!
Anyway, I'm trying to be optimistic about the scan. Good things always happen to me on April 20
th.
I feel fine, except I gained a little weight, from Girl Scout cookies and not taking walks in the winter. I was thinking of taking up swimming again but I always need to have someone with me when I exercise, in case I have an incident of rapid heartbeat.
The church ladies are still feeding us. This Monday, we were just sitting down to dinner when the doorbell rang. It was another church lady! She'd made the food a week too soon so we ended up with two dinners that night! Poor thing, she was so nice. We didn't let on that we were already eating but she called the next day when she realized her mistake. I need to call her back.
My
bloodwork's been good. Getting away with two
Neupogen shots a week instead of three.
Had a strange impulse to cash in part of my 401(K) and fly off to Rome with Mark for a week. Still thinking on that one. Don't think I'll collect on it so why not? This struck me at midnight a few nights ago. Maybe I should just go to bed earlier! :)
Please pray for good results on my scan Friday morning. Thank you for your continued prayers.
Love,
Jeanette
