Tues, 28 Feb 2006

My Dear Friends,

Yesterday in treatment I was happy to hear that my red blood cells were at a good level. Guess those horse pills are working. I did not need that shot in the gut I get every week to boost the red cells. Yaay!

White cells were low but that goes in cycles. SH the nurse expects those to come back up this week. Haven't needed shots for that yet.

The old gentleman still has his hair.

His sister gave me an unsolicited update on that smoker who bummed me out in the support group last time. Ovarian cancer. I'm definitely NOT going now! Another woman I'd met in chemo attended the group only once. I'll bet she stopped going because it was a real downer. I just can't devote my energy to that.

Overdid it in P.T. last week. After a gentle scolding from J, I did my exercises at home on Wednesday. He worked me out on Thursday. I was feeling good, just a little sore, so I walked around the local huge bookstore without my cane. Mistake! I only lean on the cane very softly now and don't even use it around the house (short distances). Figured I didn't need it. On Friday, I was hurting. J the slavedriver took pity on me and just did massage and a large heating pad. It felt much better over the weekend, even though we visited the family on the other side of the state (a 3-hour drive, one way).

I was too afraid to do my home exercises yesterday, so we'll see if J scolds me again. :)

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Tues, 21 Feb 2006

My Dear Friends,

My friend Jennifer's funeral was yesterday. Her best friend from college eulogized her. She cleared up some stuff I had been wondering about.

Sounds like Jennifer did visit some important sites in the Holy Land while she was there. She went to the Church of the Nativity and the probable site of Jesus's tomb among other places. Her husband, father and her friend were at her side while she was in a coma and passed.

The funeral was hard. Lots of tears. I feel bad for her children. Not sure how old her son is, probably around seven years old, her daughter is only five years old and her baby daughter is 17 months. I suppose it's good the daughters won't remember all this.

This situation has shaken me to the core. I feel like I'm walking the plank. All the bad thoughts about dying that I had pushed out of my mind have returned. It's like my emotional state of mind has been set back by two years. Hopefully I can snap out of it.

You think of all the cliches...She's in a better place...She's not in pain anymore...but then you look at her kids and it still doesn't make sense.

At the funeral home on Sunday night, I spoke to an elderly lady employee about pre-need planning. We walked into the office to get a business card. The stereotypical undertaker (tall, black suit, glasses, graying hair) stood up from his desk and followed us down the hall as she walked me out. He was very close behind me, as if waiting to catch me if I croaked right there.

I was THIS close to turning around and saying,"Knock it off! You're creeping me out!"

I probably won't call them.

Love,
Jeanette

Sat, 18 Feb 2006

My Dear Friends,

Thank you for your kind words on the loss of my friend. The funeral is Monday. (It must've been a horrendous paperwork nightmare to ship her back here from Israel where she was seeking treatment.) I'll probably reschedule chemo to Tuesday morning.

I'll go to the funeral home tomorrow for the rosary. Not ready to go today.

Let's see what else happened Friday....

Sat on my glasses at the chiropractor's office. The whole world looked slanted. Bent them back to some semblance of normal.

The hamsters had a fight on Thursday night. So much for "reintroducing" them! The losing hamster cost me $65 total at the vet . Could've bought EIGHT of 'em for that price! Added insult to injury when I realized the $30 in medicines were Neosporin and Amoxicillin! Sigh! :)

Have a good weekend!

Love,
Jeanette

Fri, 17 Feb 2006

My Dear Friends,

Just got the funeral arrangements e-mail for my friend Jennifer. She died on Feb 10th and I just found out about it now.

Sigh.

Feeling pretty hopeless here. She deserved to live, she's got three young kids!

I shouldn't be so stunned as she was very sick. It just makes no sense.

God, am I upset!

Jeanette

Thurs, 16 Feb 2006

My Dear Friends,

OK, let's see if this works. We've had trouble accessing the Internet lately.

Last week was rough. Had the three chemicals on Monday. Did too much on Wednesday ... physical therapy at 7AM, job inerview at 10AM, construction association luncheon at noon, followed by a trade show. That night, I drank too much water with my huge iron pill. Woke up four times that night to go to the bathroom!

Thursday was no fun. I was major nauseous and extremely tired. I dragged my sorry butt out to the hospital for my hip surgeon check-up. Thank God it was the fastest appointment in recent years. In and out in half an hour! Gave me a prescription for another month of P.T., which I agreed with.

Stopped to have lunch with Mark on the way home and nearly fell asleep in my chicken soup. He saw I looked like heck and volunteered to take the afternoon off, get the kids, etc so I could sleep. I did drive myself home from lunch and caught 40 winks in the driveway when I arrived.

Fortunately Friday was much better. The nausea finally went away.

On Saturday I went to that B.C. support group meeting. What a downer! Two of the women are having recurrences of their cancer (one in the kidney, the other in her lungs). I walked out of there feeling drained. That is not how a support group is supposed to make you feel. In the past couple years, I have become aware of energy drains like that and tried to avoid them. When I saw the old gentleman's sister on Monday, I told her how I felt, diplomatically of course. She said it's not usually like that and is encouraging me to come again. I don't know.

The main reason I had such a hard time at the support group was that the woman with the breast cancer in her lungs is a smoker. And she refuses to quit. Defiant to this day. Wants a guarantee from the docs that she'll live a long life if she stops smoking now. Since they cannot give her this guarantee, she says, she'll keep smoking. All the while crying she has cancer! Maybe it's not very Christian of me but I have zero tolerance for self-induced illness. I do feel bad for those who quit and get cancer anyway. That doesn't seem right. But this woman! How I wanted to stand up and yell across the table! But... it's none of my business.

That's about all that's new. My white cells were good this week. My hair continues to thin but isn't noticeable yet. My fingernails are a bummer. Brittle. Soon as they get a little length, they break. Oh well. If that's my biggest issue, I think I'm doing well.

All in all, I feel pretty good.

My next oncologist appointment is this coming Monday. She'll just ask how I feel. Haven't taken any tests lately so don't have to stress about any results!

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Tues, 7 Feb 2006

My Dear Friends,

Here's an update on the latest:

Started the third month of chemo yesterday. Had three drugs as I always do the first week. Tired and nauseous as expected today.

My hair is thinning. You can't tell by looking at me yet. I'm just noticing more hairs in the sink or on my clothes. SH the nurse assures me that it'll thin but won't all fall out. Maybe the loose hair is just more noticeable because it's chocolate brown, not blonde like I was all my life.

Started taking these gigantic iron pills last week. The shots have been helping (I get one in the gut every week) but they want to bring my red cell counts up a little more. They're keeping an eye on my low white count. Haven't needed to take outside help on that just yet.

My radiation burn has healed. I had not mentioned it yet because it was in a rather private area. Even now I'm apprehensive but I'll go for it, as I am trying to paint a fully accurate picture of my situation. Remember that they had radiated the thigh and hip area all the way up, front and back. A couple weeks after radiation finished, it's supposed to "peak". At that time, I noticed a redness developing, kinda where your underwear rubs in front, where the torso ends and leg begins? The irritation got worse and turned dark reddish-purple. Now, the rest of my leg was fine, didn't even get a tan, which surprises me because I'm so pale. The area was only about two inches by one inch but you gotta wear underwear so what was I to do? Anyway, the radiation nurse confirmed on the phone that it was a burn. I figure it was about second-degree so I used the cream they gave me. The skin turned grey and peeled. Now it's perfectly fine. Hope that wasn't too gross for polite company!

Not sure what will happen when these four months of chemo are done. I know they will test me again to see if it had any effect but the doctor has not discussed the options in all the possible situations: if it's working, if it's staying the same or if it's not working. I like to know these things in advance but have thus far been too afraid to ask. I suppose I will have another appointment with her soon. Nothing scheduled yet.

That's about it for now.

Love,
Jeanette