Saturday, 29 July 2006

My Dear Friends,

Just got an e-mail that another acquaintance has died of cancer. She was a teacher, a catechist and involved in the homeless ministry at my church so I suppose if anyone's in Heaven, she is. The last time I saw her, she was limping, like me, from her hip replacement since the breast cancer had returned (after 10 years) and attacked her bones. This one hits close to home.

This was my chemo week. I should feel better in another day or so. Had treatment Tuesday, was OK Wednesday but hurting the past two days. This should be the last day of that.

Had a snafu at the pharmacy on Wednesday when I went to pick up my Neulasta (for white blood cells). I touched the box and it was not cold.

"Um, isn't this supposed to be refrigerated?" I ask the clerk.

He gets this blank look on his face and goes to ask the pharmacist.

Long story short, they call the manufacturer who says it should be OK (it was out for 7 hours) as long as the medicine isn't cloudy. (Right, let's not inject bacterial colonies into our veins!)

When I asked how it was delivered, they said it came with an ice pack. HELLO! :)

They sent me on my way with apologies and I injected on Wednesday night, reluctantly.

Yesterday and today, I've felt like I have a sore throat. Hopefully, when the Neulasta kicks in tomorrow, it'll knock it out.

Had a new side effect this week. Starting on Thursday, it hurt if I blinked my eyes too hard! Now what's that about!? I looked and the rims of my upper and lower eyelids are pink. Looks like I've been hitting the crack pipe!

On another note, tomorrow we celebrate my baby son turning 7 years old. I will be very thankful to see it.

Love,
Jeanette

Fri, 14 July 2006

My Dear Friends,

Just wanted to pop in to say I feel well and everything is fine. Nothing new on the health front. I've been tired this week but I've been staying up late. Life is short, I don't want to sleep.

In my mind, I've been milling over some things about the emotional side of cancer, like how strange it is to sit every Monday hooked up to an IV bag then go back to my everyday life like nothing happened. Another thing is that I attended the local art festival this past weekend. There were women with spaghetti-strapped tank tops everywhere I turned. I was never so brazen as to let half my assets hang out like that. It was hard to be reminded of what I've lost. A certain softness is gone from me, it seems both emotional and physical, and I don't like it.

Looking in the mirror is really hard. As a teenager, I felt ugly when I really wasn't. I was beautiful in my twenties and now I've come full circle. Sometimes I look at myself and say,"Jeanette, what the HECK happened to you?!" What a mess! No hair, few eyelashes. Can't wear makeup because all the particles go straight into my eyes. The real problem is that inside, we are all still twenty-five. It's hard to watch the outside deteriorate.

I suppose I should be happy to be alive but maybe I'm going through an angry phase right now. I'll probably get over it.

Love,
Jeanette