Tues, 30 May 2006

My Dear Friends,

Sorry I haven't checked in for a while. I'm feeling OK, just a little tired. The white cells went back down to a normal level last week. Tomorrow, I should find out this week's number.

Still doing the P.T. I've been a little stiff lately, not sure why. Will see the surgeon for a routine checkup in a few weeks.

I see the oncologist in a couple weeks, to plan the next step. Will do a bone scan in June to see if this chemo has been working.

The nurse suggested splitting the Abraxane into three smaller doses instead of one big one, to lessen side effects. A few months ago, they didn't think they could do that but a recent visit from the drug rep changed that. Makes me think these people are making this up as they go... I decided for now to keep it like it is. I'd rather hurt for a week and be OK for two weeks than feel kinda bad all the time. Maybe if she keeps me on this, I'll reconsider.

On the homefront, I've been sucked into the world of scrapbooking. Sigh! Seems like a good way to get rid of the large Rubbermaid container of photos I've accumulated over the past 12 years. It's been that long since I've put anything into a photo album. Heck, I develop my pictures every three years or so! Gotta get into the digital thing. At least that takes up less space!

That's all for now. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Weds, 17 May 2006

My Dear Friends,

Just a quick post before I head out to physical therapy. Those days in the hospital set me back. I just started feeling less stiff yesterday.

Had chemo on Monday...and a single tear escaped.

Felt pretty good yesterday. No pain to speak of. Doing the alternating pain killers again but bumped up to half a Tylenol 3. Didn't get zoned out or anything...

Woke up a few times last night with various shooting pains so I'd better go take something before I start the day.

The kicker was my white blood cell count last week, which they never called me about...
Remember the high end of normal is 14. I was at 48! That's alarmingly high to me but the nurse said not to worry about it since it was artificially induced.

Took a Neulasta shot at the doc's yesterday. That lasts longer than the Neupogen (hence the name) so hopefully I won't have to inject myself this time around. They're making this up as we go. I felt like I didn't belong in the chemo room yesterday morning. I mean, I just got my shot and left for work, but Monday is the day I pay tribute to cancer. The rest of the week is mine. I feel like being there on Tuesday infringed upon my own time.

Sorry for not posting in so long. I felt well last week, though.

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Sat, 6 May 2006

My Dear Friends,

Got out of the hospital last night. The doc didn't do his rounds until 5 pm! I told the nurse at 4pm that if he didn't show up soon, we'd have to make other arrangements because I was about to break and run.

Like a football player sizing up the competition, the nurse replied,"I can take you." :)

The nurses and assistants were a trip from the start. When I arrived, I balked at the idea of a hospital gown.

I confronted the African-American assistant and said,"Do I have to wear one of those?"

She handed it to me and said,"Yeah, girl! You ain't at home!"

I was pleased with the level of care the nursing staff provided and will probaably write a letter to their supervisor.

I'm feeling better. No more fever and chills. In the hospital, I was on IV fluids all day and night with an antibiotic drip every 8 hours. Of course they gave me Neupogen shots every day to build the white cells.

On Thursday evening, the nurse came to give me my shot. I told her I'd been doing them at home and started to supervise her process.

"Now, you have to squeeze the skin really hard so the shot doesn't hurt..." I said.

She looked up and said, "You wanna do this?"

I laughed, said no and backed off. She did it with no pain whatsoever. Impressive.

My IV antibiotic was due at 2 AM Friday. The night nurse, who had a very sweet disposition, had assured me that she would sneak in quietly and not disturb me.

I do not sleep well in hospitals or hotels. When she came in, all I saw suddenly was a shadowy figure standing over me. I let out a loud GASP! She was startled and very apologetic. No big deal, I said. Mark does that to me all the time because he comes to bed later than me. Mark said I even yelled, "Daddy!" once. I was 33.

I had a chest X-ray while at the hospital. I was extremely nervous, as the lungs are one place to which breast cancer can spread. The tech took a back shot then a side shot.

As I waited, I heard him say, "Oh, sh**!"

My heart sank.

He came out and said there was a line on the film and he had to retake the shot! He was disgruntled anyway. He was complaining to the other tech about having to go to court but no one would fill in for him. Clearly against hospital policy to be all crabby in front of the patients.

The attending doc later told me the x-ray was clear, free of infection or tumors. I cried like a baby. She was confused, as it was happy news. I told her they were happy tears.

They never did find the source of infection. The infectious disease doc came by at about 6pm Friday.

He looks around and says,"Oh, you're packed."

I explained I was discharged. Talk about being a little late for the party! He did sit down and talked for a few minutes. He said that 90% of the time, they don't find the source of infection but that I'd had a relatively short episode of low white cells. I did mention being bitten by Chewy the Hamster back on April 20th. Since I'd seen no visible signs of infection at the site, he said that was not the cause.

He got up to leave, we shook hands and without looking back he said, "Be nice to your hamster!"

I washed my hands right away. Seemed like a good idea after shaking with the infectious disease specialist. :O

It's 10pm. The boys are finishing up watching a movie. I should go down and see. It's been a full day. The little one had a morning soccer game. (They won.) In the afternoon, one of my walking buddies and three of the kids' buddies helped do spring cleaning. My other walking buddy brought over a delicious lasagna for dinner. I am truly blessed to live among such wonderful people.

Thank you for your prayers and kind thoughts.

Love,
Jeanette

Thursday, 04 May 2006

Mark here, substituting for Jeanette.

We went for a fairly ordinary pair of doctor visits on Wednesday, but it escalated a little bit. Jeanette had been struggling a little after this most recent chemo, with fatigue and joint and muscle pain; by Wednesday morning, she also had alternating chills and hot flashes. Mixed with that, she had fluid behind her eardrum for the last week or so. No fun!

She was scheduled for two appointments, one with the cardio folks for an EKG to make sure the Herceptin isn't affecting her heart too much, and one with our family physician for the ear problem.

The EKG went fine (results in a week) but at the family physician's office, her temperature turned out to be a bit high - over 102. That, combined with her very low White Blood Cell (WBC) count, convinced the doc to recommend a hospital visit starting that night.

As of Thursday morning, the fever is gone and the WBC count is a little higher, but they're going to keep her overnight again tonight just to make sure. They have a target number for the WBCs before they'll discharge her, and it may take a day or two to get there.

The boys are fine, and at school as usual; I'm at work, although I'm only here in body, not spirit.

The docs at the hospital put Jeanette on a specific diet for the duration of her visit, including NO fresh fruits or veggies-- something about how they can carry disease if they aren't cooked. Also, no fresh flowers in her room, for the same reason.

Jeanette's in decent spirits, although it's not in her personality to lay around and do nothing. (I've tried to set an example for her to follow, but she's too much of a busybody.) :)

More as it becomes available. Please continue to send Jeanette your prayers, good karma, happy thoughts, white light, whatever you want to call it. Thanks.

-Mark

Weds, 3 May 2006

My Dear Friends,

Don't know where to start...

Friday, the day on which I thought I'd be feeling better, was the worst. The effects of last Monday's chemo seemed to last longer than the last time. Still had some knee joint pain as late as yesterday.

Staying home from work today. A partner at work suggested I get some rest as I was struggling to stay awake in his office while discussing a tax return. He was nice about it, though.

Met with the oncologist on Monday. I was in tears before she came in because I was reading that story in the local paper about this mother with terminal colon cancer, given 1-2 years to live. It told all the things she did for her children before she died, including individual scrapbooks. It hit home.

I lamented to the oncologist that parents should be exempt from cancer. She agreed, saying that God gave you these children and you'd think He'd want you to take care of them.

As for me, she said things lke "Don't waste time" and "Live each day to the fullest". The kicker was when she said,"Enjoy the time you have left."

"Well, that's optimistic!" I replied.

She backpedaled,"Oh, well, we all should do that..."

I had told a nurse that I'm afraid of the doctor because someday she will tell me I'm going to die. The nurse said she will never say that. Now, she might meet with your FAMILY and tell them...

Nice. Like I would not pick up on that later.

I told the doc I was afraid of her. She asked if I wanted to see her partner instead. I said no because I don't think that will help.

Seeing the doc took a lot out of me. The past few days, I've been dragging. So tired. My limbs feel heavy. I've been having hot flashes and chills. No fever, though, I checked.

It seems like when I lost my hair, other things went with it. I've lost my energy, my optimism and my hope.

The nurse left a message yesterday telling me to inject the Neupogen for white bloood cells every single day for the next SIX days. That's the most ever. Bummer. Guess that chemo wiped out my high count from last week. How low must it be to inject every day? She didn't leave that number in the message.

Today, I have to go for the routine heart test, to determine if the Herceptin is damaging my heart. If so, they'll take me off it for a while. I also have to see my regular doc, as I've had an earache. Every time I move my head, I hear water sloshing. (No jokes, please!) It's not from the shower, I already thought of that. It's inside. A good decongestant will take care of that.

Gotta go. Have to call work and go back to bed.

Please continue to pray for me.

Love,
Jeanette