Tues, 28 March 2006

My Dear Friends,

Where do I start?

In treatment yesterday, the nurse gave me a pamphlet detailing the new drug they'll be starting on Monday.

"Wait a minute!" I said, looking at the chick wearing a head covering on the front of the pamphlet. "She doesn't have any hair!"

Looks like I'm gonna be hairless again! Major bummer. Now I'll look sick even though I feel fine. I hate looking like a cancer patient. It scares people and you have to convince them you're not going to drop dead soon.

So I cried.

In the afternoon, I visited the radiation oncologist. Since nothing hurts and, after viewing the x-rays, he deemed me at low risk for fracture, we will not radiate at this time. He does recommend we watch it closely, meaning a scan of some sort every three months.

Stopped upstairs at my other oncologist, the second opinion guy, who's Head of Oncology at that hospital. Just planned to leave him a note or talk to the nurse. The chemo change (Gemzar) my oncologist had discussed with me last week was different than the hairless choice. I was not allowed to have Gemzar and be in radiation at the same time. Since I'm not having radiation, I wanted to ask the Head if he wanted to change his mind back to Gemzar (and keep my hair).

As I sat in the waiting room while the nurse was pulling my file, the Head walked in. He stopped to ask how I was doing, said I looked great and sat down for a minute. I started to explain myself but he said we shouldn't talk in the waiting room. He said he'd have them put me in a room. I was shocked because it usually takes three months to get in to see him. I always make my appointments way in advance. I had just wanted to leave him a note!

In the exam room, he explained various studies that put the hairless choice above the rest. He did ask how I felt about losing my hair. I told him if I can live (for example) three months without hair or five months with it, I'll take the five months. I don't want to make a bad choice based on hair alone.

Now I'm having second thoughts.

S.H the nurse called me today. The white cells are low again...only 1.9. I need to inject myself three times this week. I'd better go take a shot out of the fridge. It hurts less if I let it sit out for a bit (too cold).

I'm really bummed about the hair.

Love,
Jeanette

Thurs, 23 March 2006

My Dear Friends,

Linz scolded me for not updating in a while.

Let's see...had to inject myself three times last week for the white blood cells. No fun but I did it. No major pains so I was happy.

Met with the oncologist on Monday. Got a copy of the bone scan report. She neglected to notice that it also said the area above my left knee, which had shown a spot on the scan a few months ago, now was "significantly more prominent". I had to point this out on the report. Then she got concerned since the femur is a weigh-bearing bone. She doesn't want to radiate every little spot but said she'd contact the radiation oncologist for his opinion. She proposed a new chemo regimen but can't do it the same time as radiation.

I did not hear from her all week. I have started to lose faith in her in general. She's also supposed to call my second opinion doc to see if he agrees with the new drugs she's choosing.

Blew an 11 on my white cells so no shots for me this week. Yaay! I think normal is 4 to 10, or something like that. Last week I was only at 1.7

Saw the surgeon today. She, like the oncologist was not too concerned with my arm breaking, as it is not a weigh-bearing bone. (The arm x-ray showed cancer by the way. No surprise.) I told her about the leg so she x-rayed it. It's not as bad as I thought. Nothing near the hip's condition used to be. I can see a spot on the bone but it does not look eaten away like the hip was. She suggested I talk to the radiation oncologist. No surgery needed yet.

Will see the rad onc on Monday. Should know then if we're radiating the arm, leg or both. (Radiation kills the cancer.) The rad onc had said in the past that he would radiate to relieve pain. Nothing hurts yet, although my oncologist asked me if my arm hurt so many times that it DID start to hurt. Power of suggestion. Felt like slapping her. Wonder if that would hurt? :)

Thank you for your prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Weds, 15 March 2006

My Dear Friends,

Thank you for your good wishes.

Got my arm x-rayed this morning like a good little girl. I expected to see some big hole but I didn't see anything weird. I dunno, looked like an arm.

The nurses called. My white cells are low again. Guess I'll call tomorrow. Hope I don't have to drive all the way to their other office, which is far. Maybe they can just call my pharmacy.

I'll keep you posted. Please keep praying.

Love,
Jeanette

Mon, 13 March 2006

My Dear Friends,

Had some bad news today. The bone scan showed a new area of cancer in my upper left arm. This means the chemo is not working. I will get an x-ray to make sure it is cancer but since it hurts when I sleep on it, I'm not optimistic.

The oncologist will probably switch me to some new drugs on Monday. She sounded disappointed in the diagnosis, as I'm sure it's difficult to see someone my age fall to this disease.

We will tell the kids tonight.

I'm supposed to start a new part-time job tomorrow.

At this point I just have to hope to God the next drugs work.

Please keep me in your prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Thurs, 9 March 2006

My Dear Friends,

Gave myself a Neupogen injection this morning for low white cells. No big deal, it was a nice small needle. I remembered how to inject from a couple years ago. They have reduced the dose and gave me one day between shots (had one Tuesday) so I don't have a bad reaction. Two years ago, I took shots 3 days in a row. On the 4th day, a Sunday, I could not move without intense bone pain. Hurt terribly to walk, sit or stand. Lasted a day and a half.

When the nurses told me I had to take these shots now, I asked,"What if I don't?"

They said they would put me in the hospital because I'd have no ability to fight infection.

So I took my shot on Tuesday. Had a couple pains yesterday but nothing real nasty. We'll see how I feel after my second shot. I suppose I should be happy that the white cells have been OK this long.

When I saw the doctor on Monday, she put my file on the counter with a thud and said, "Wow, your file is getting thick!"

"Thick is good, "I told her. "Better than being filed away!"

She gave me the once-over and scheduled a bone scan for Friday (tomorrow) to see if there are any "new lesions". If so, we will switch to some other chemicals. If not, we need to decide how long to continue the current regimen. I have just started the fourth month. She said they can go a total of six, nine or twelve months. (12 months more of life sounds good to me!)

Please pray for good results on my scan.

Mark had gone with me to chemo, since it was the three-chemical (long) day. At lunchtime, he went to get carryout from the nearby Applebee's. I had ordered my favorite, the oriental chicken salad. When he brought it back, it occurred to me that the nurses had said my white blood cells were low. I'm not supposed to eat salads during that time because they may not be properly washed.

It looked so good, though. SH the nurse said OK this time, but don't eat a lot of salads.

I had barely started when I noticed a black speck on the piece I was about to eat. Upon closer examination, it was a dead fruit fly! A big fat one!

"Of course he's fat," SH laughed. "He lives in a restaurant!"

I was really grossed out.

"I would just toss it aside and keep eating," SH joked.

I surveyed the topography of my salad and said,"But what if he has friends?!"

Just couldn't continue eating it. Mark called the manager and went back to get me the salmon instead. Sigh! :)

Thank you for your prayers.

Love,
Jeanette

Mon, 6 March 2006

My Dear Friends,

Today starts the fourth and last month of this round of chemo. I also see the oncologist today. She will probably schedule more tests to see if the current treatments have been working. I will ask her what's next.

Haven't been sleeping well, as I am worrying about the upcoming tests. I do believe I have just figured out a way to sleep better. If I start praying the rosary, the repetitive nature of the prayers puts me out in about 10 minutes. Probably like counting sheep.

I'll try to give a longer update later.

Please give me your opinion on sending a group e-mail update instead of this blog. It's very public and anyone can stumble upon it. If you have my e-mail address, I'd love to get your opinions.

Thanks!
Jeanette